I was quite used already to men looking at my body, I knew what they were looking at and why. I don’t know when I first started masturbating because I have done it ever since I can remember. When I was young it was a sort of comfort thing which was pleasurable and which I enjoyed, however, when I started to develop so the feelings that I got from it became more intense, then it was definitely sexual. As I developed I thought about sex all the time and had played around with one or two boys that I knew. One was my cousin James(changed name), his mother was my mother’s youngest sister and one day she caught us feeling each other. To my surprise she didn’t scold or punish us, instead she talked to us separately. When she talked ro me, I was eleven at that time, she explained all about sex and why it felt so nice for a boy and girl to feel each other. No-one had ever talked about sex to me before and I was fascinated and, although she told me that I took a terrible risk if I let a boy. “Seth, I don’t understand. I thought you and I were having a good time together.”I finally peeled my eyes off her long enough to get my pants on. Once they were fastened and zipped, I sat on the bed, shaking my head and said, “I don’t even understand.”For a moment, she stood there and watched me while I put on my shirt and one shoe. I had to get down on the floor to fish my other shoe out from under the bed. After I collected it and sat on the bed again, she stepped closer. “Seth,” she said in a softer voice, “If you’ll talk to me, maybe we can work it out, together.”I sat there with my shoe in my hands and looked up. She was close enough to touch but I stopped myself from reaching for her. I wanted to hold her, to feel her skin on mine, to rub as much of my body against hers and feel the same in return, but I didn’t dare touch her. I was too scared of those urges and confused by what I had always thought a relationship with a woman was supposed to be like versus the past two days. I.
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